Thursday, February 20, 2014

Jury Duty: My Brief Contribution To My County

Oh good lord I hate everyone in this room. I got called to jury duty and am stuck in a room full of Eugene folk, trying to charge my phone. Unfortunately for me, the only outlet available is next to the water cooler, so every few minutes, I get to watch someone in cobbler shoes struggle with the cooler. What really aggravates me is the repeat offenders. Listen sis, you've had 2 cups of tea already, you should have mastered the hot water spout by now! The only thing keeping me from kicking someone is that it would be obvious that it was me, plus I want my parking to be validated. 
So until I'm called up somewhere else, I get to hang out on Idiot Island.

Hour 2:
Some renob has been out yaking on the phone loudly in the hall for the last half hour. Since we are still waiting, with our thumbs up out butts, our babysitter excuses us for a break. As soon as Mr. Important  sees the flood of tragedy spilling out to hover over a toilet for the next 15 minutes, he actually pauses his phone conversation ask "oh, are we on break???". Um, yes, WE are! You on the other hand, have been on break all god damn morning, so what's it to you?

Hour 3:
Well it looks like Judge Raykwan has an announcement, "Do you want the good news first or the bad news first?".  Judging from all of the positive promotion they've been spinning about jury duty, my guess is  we're getting sent home, probably bad news for only half the folks here. 
And I'm right. Release the hounds. The guy that I felt sorry for earlier, because of his back condition that rendered him unable to sit or stand for long periods of time, he shot out of here like there was a fire or like he had violent diarrhea. I didn't see any fires, but I also didn't look back, so it may be that after committing arson, he gets struck down with master blaster, turning his ass into a poo piƱata. 
I must've drank some of the Kool Aid, suddenly after crossing the cross walk and exchanging awkward "we're outta here" pleasantries with my former potential jurors, I am kinda disappointed. Part of me was looking forward to my $10 a day plus $.20 per mile travel reimbursement. I also was kinda bummed that I wasn't going to strike up any conversations to mock later and possibly become lifelong besties with another cynical 30 something. Then there's Judge Raykwan. Before you start humming "To Sir With Love", I'm not that upset about it, I'm eligible for service in 2 years.

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